I’m not trying to hate on anyone with this blog post, I can truly feel that some of them are very good people inside, but this has been slightly bothersome to me for almost 3 years, at the point when “Spirituality” completely blew up. For one thing, we are constantly flooded with fake news, and when so many hopped on the spiritual train, then attempted to take it somewhere else, I couldn’t help but to laugh in the beginning as it all seemed quite ludicrous to me.
Truly spiritual people do not care what their hair or nails look like. We do not make appointments to spend time at a salon. That is a waste of time to us. We utilize that time to go deeper internally. We do not care what we are wearing. We do not care to own a bunch of THINGS. We do not tout that we just attended Yoga, snapping shots for all to see. We actually do the least amount of physical activity as possible. At times, we may even neglect our physical selves. We do have our human moments, as we are alive as well… just far from as much as the general society. It is within my human moments, that last around 10 minutes, when I will flip open up a catalogue or go online, purchase a few items and then they end up sitting in my closet forever. Getting dressed on a daily basis consists of grabbing the first things at the top of a pile and then going inside of myself. Comfort Trumps Beauty 99% of the time.
Back in 2004, I went through a Year of what I refer to as a “Shamanism Phase”. I did not and do not spend my time reading text after text of literature explaining to me technical knowledge. I just EXPERIENCE it, work through the energy, gaining real life wisdom to then help others. You will never see or hear me repeating someone else. Though, I have been asked at times if I have read the material of certain individual’s since my conclusions were along the lines of theirs. My reply was simply, “I guess they are correct then!” If these individual’s were coming up with what I had, then they themselves have experience.
During my Shamanism Phase, I immersed myself in the Symbolism of Tarot. I spent about 14 hours a day in deep study. There were times when my Oldest son, who at that time was about 9 years old, would remind to to eat. Yes, My child had to remind me. Especially, when it got past 2-3 days. I wasn’t paying attention to my physical body, aside from the robotic daily shower, doing what I needed to do for my children, then quickly getting back to my studies. I found myself irritated and would grab a few pretzels, crunch them down and say, “There.” Next….. This went on for about a year. Every day would seem as though I was living in a fog. Physical activities appeared to be a blur.
I remember the day I came out of this experience. I was sitting in front of my computer and I went to grab a candle that was on top of my Monitor. Our Monitors back then were chunky pieces of technology that took up space. As I was reaching for the candle I saw my wrist. At first, I thought it was someone else’s wrist and had a few seconds of confusion and disbelief, as I blinked my eyes and realized it was my own. How SKINNY I had become!!!! I didn’t choose when I entered into this “shamanism phase” nor when I exited. But, it was that very night that I had exited. I ran to the bathroom and fully looked myself over. I had been clearly on the edge of death. I didn’t recognize myself. Underneath my eyes was shallow skin of blackness. My physical body looking like a skeleton. Being on the edge of death allows for the individual to live more so in between dimensions to experience certain things that a human really shouldn’t. I will straight out send the warning— DO NOT do this on purpose! I didn’t do it on purpose, and it would be irresponsible and foolish to put yourself in this position just to experience what I am talking about.
Throughout my whole life I have gone in and out of experiences that I could never really explain or speak about to those that surrounded me. My family and most of my friends would not understand. I didn’t even completely understand what was happening to me and why. I’ve been asked by friends who were very interested in what I would speak about “why didn’t I just go and look it up at the library” as a child. Well, when you are brought up in a family of 7 older people who keep telling you that it’s your imagination, you’re making up stories, you’re trying to get attention and that what you’re experiencing isn’t real…. and you are told this repeatedly you start to believe them and think what you’re experiencing doesn’t exist, and that you just might be crazy. I’m going to give an embellished example, so that those that have never experienced anything outlandish can understand… Say you were to see a floating bottle of ketchup. Then you go to tell your family members, of whom are supposed to love and support you that a ketchup bottle was floating in mid air. Your point of telling them is so that you can get answers and feel ok inside. They tell you something like, “WHAT?!?!? That did NOT happen! Stop it!!” Then you are left with the confusion of knowing what you saw and having no one to turn to for answers or to make yourself feel better. Now, Imagine this happens repeatedly for years and years. It kind of reminds me of gas-lighting… only those that do that to another know what they are doing.
The point of me sharing my experiences is because I know damn well that there are others out there that have gone through almost the same thing as myself. Those that had no one to turn to. I have many experiences to share… real experiences and not embellished examples. I know that my blog post started as one entity and merged into what it has become. This is meant to be. This is right on time. This is me and my story. I have so much more to say. This is just the beginning.
I will end this posting with the definition of Spirituality:
I would love to begin communicating with the Souls who have experienced things that could not be explained to them. There’s much more to come.
Blessed Be to You and Yours!
PS… Things are different with my family now. It may have been triggered when I was about 25 and conducted my first spell. (you MUST do intensive study prior to dabbling!!) What I did seemed to prove the unbelievable to them. It wasn’t even meant to do that. It wasn’t even meant for them. But what it did changed my parent’s perception enough that when they came back from a vacation they had gifted me something I never in my life thought they would… Pentacle earrings. I cried tears of relief. Massive weight off of my shoulders. That moment meant more to me than ANYTHING to this day. I had nothing left to prove to anyone any longer. They prepped me for adulthood. Little did I know that I would be doing what I am as an adult. 😉 Everything happens for a reason.